"Radio Noir"

a Clashing Black audio production
in conjunction with Goth Mafia

script by Ian Ton

page 1, 2 ,3, 4, 5, 6

__Scene Four: The Black Planet Club__

[Sounds of music coming over a club's speaker system. Song playing is either "Candy Prowled" by Acumen, or the not-yet-written "Heighliner" by Angstrom Coke. Music volume drops a little as the characters begin speaking.]

Andrew (shouting over music): Hey, Robert.

Robert: Andrew! I didn't see you come in.

Andrew: That's because you're wearing darkglasses in a smoky, dimly-lit club, you git. Can I bum a clove?

Robert: Sure thing.

Andrew: Thanks. [sound of lighter, puffing, etc]. Have Alice and Monica shown up yet?

Monica: We're standing right next to you, Andrew.

Andrew: Monica! I didn't see you come in.

Monica: That's because you're wearing darkglasses in a smoky, dimly-lit club, you git. Can I bum a clove?

Andrew: I don't have any. I got mine from Robert.

Monica: Robert's here? Where is he?

Robert: I'm right here, Monica, on the other side of Andrew.

Monica: Robert! I didn't see you come it.

Robert: That's because--

Alice: Alright! Alright already! The point has been made! Have any of you considered wearing clothing that wasn't all black?

Andrew, Monica, Robert: No.

Alice: Well then, at least take off the sun-

Andrew, Monica, Robert: Sun?! >>Hisss...<<

Alice: Take of the DARKglasses and have a look around you.

Andrew: She's got a point.

[sounds of glasses being taken off and folded up]

Robert: Wow, so *this* is what the inside of the club looks like.

Monica: Hey, they still haven't taken care of that big stain on the floor.

Andrew: The one that looks like a hedgehog on a crucifix?

Monica: That's the one.

Robert: Man, that was here the first time I came to the club.

Alice: You people come here every week and you haven't seen the inside of it except for the first time?

Monica: If we come here every week, why would we need to look at it every single time?

Robert: It's not like the place is ever going to change on us.

Alice: But how do you get around? I mean, it's full of people dancing and moving all over the floor. If you can't see them...

Andrew: Ah, we may not be able to see, but we can tell who's going to be here on this night.

Monica: And we know how they dance.

Robert: And since we know what songs they always dance to, and what part of the floor they like, we know the path to take to the bar without getting kick-punched in the corset.

Monica: By extension, it's also possible to track people down. For example: hear that song playing right now?

Alice: Yes.

Monica: That's ["Heighliner" by Angstrom Coke}, which means if I turn forty degrees left and hold my leg out like *so*...

[sudden tripping and falling sound]

Dig: Yeeeoww!

Monica: ...I will run into our good friend, Dig.

Dig: >>Grooaaan<<

Monica: Or rather, I allow him to run into us.

Dig: "Only at nighttime I see you/ In darkness, I feel you." Alice: I beg your pardon?

Dig: "It glittered and it gleamed/ for the arriving beauty queen."

Alice: Does this man need a clove?

Andrew: Alice, this is Dig, or, more formally, Dig Siouxsie.

Dig: "Myriad lights/ they said I'd be impressed."

Alice: What the hell is he talking about?

Andrew: Dig speaks only by quoting the lyrics of Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Alice: How does he manage to hold down a job in telemarketing?

Dig: "In another crowd/ I'm nameless bound."

Robert: He doesn't work in telemarketing. He's a deejay here at the club.

Alice: Ah, I see. (slowly, as if to the speaker of another language) It's very nice to meet you, Dig.

Dig: "It sends you spinning/ You have no choice."

Alice: Am I supposed to quote back at him?

Andrew: I wouldn't try that unless you've been a part of the scene for a while.

Robert: This misguided Cure fan once misquoted a lyric from "Dazzle" off of the Banshees' Hayena album while talking to Dig...

Dig (growling): "His ardor smoulders/phosphorous flies..."

Robert: Calm down, Dig. Anyways, Dig failed his willpower roll and frenzied on the poor kid. It was ghastly.

Alice: What's a willpower roll?

Andrew: Kind of like "stop, drop, and roll," only without the "stop" part.

Monica: So, Dig, darling, when are they gong to cut out this industrial crap and play something I can dance to?

Dig: "Excuse me/ Must go recycle/ My precious machinery."

Monica: That's what I wanted to hear.

Alice: I don't know if I'll be able to dance.

Andrew: You'll be fine. This is a very open and experimental place. You have nothing to worry about...

Monica: ...except the possibility of fatally embarassing yourself.

Robert: Okay, Alice, here's the crash course in goth dancing. Actually moving your feet isn't as important as twisting your limbs into an appropriate expression of pain and/or mystery. Monica, pleas demonstrate.

Monica: Step one-- "dropping the keys."

Robert: While slinking across the floor, hold both hands out in front of you. Alternating back and forth between them, bring your hands in towards your chest as if calling to you that tall, dark stranger on the other side of the dance floor.

Alice: Or pulling taffy.

Andrew: Kind of the same thing, usually.

Robert: Throwing your shoulders around sensuously also helps in this step.

Monica: Step two-- "I'm a tree, I'm depressed, I'm dead."

Robert: A visual narrative for the Gothic life, this is a complex three-part move that begins with arms outstretched to either side, head tilted back to face the empty, forsaken heavens.

Monica: "I'm a tree."

Alice: The weeping willow?

Andrew: The larch.

Robert: Then, letting the head level out, bring the backs of your hands in to cover your eyes in a classic expression of woe.

Monica: "I'm depressed."

Alice: I'm convinced.

Robert: And finally, eyes still closed against the anguish, the chin drops down while the arms are crossed over the chest in the traditional final repose.

Monica: "I'm dead."

Alice: And loving it, apparently.

Andrew: And then, of course, there's all the little variations, all the nuances you add to make the moves your own.

Alice: Who's were they before?

[Cue slow goth song, "Face to Face"?]

Monica: Ooh! Ooh! I *love* this song! Come on, Alice, let's slinky-tango!

Alice: You didn't mention that step! What is it? What do I do?

Monica: Just follow my lead. It takes up a lot of space and makes us really conspicuous without allowing anyone to get next to us. You'll love it.

Andrew, Robert: We hate it.

Alice: Sounds fun!

Andrew: Wouldn't you rather dance with me?

Robert: You bet your boots I would. I love your eyes. I have a pair just like them in a jar at home...

Andrew: Don't start with me.

Robert: Then how can I finish?

Dig (over mike): "Following the footsteps/ of a ragdoll dance/we are entranced!"

[music swells, finishes scene]

ACT II, Scene I